Overwhelm - When do you know you have got there?

I watch mothers with young children go into that state of "I need to keep everything going." and "I need to do, be there and get it right."

These two statements are mine as I have watched Jayne with her three young children and always being there - for husband too, and yes mother and other family as well! And did I forget?  - the house, garden and all else that creates a home for family.

This can easily become overwhelm when continued as a mind and physical habit from day to day, and week to week. What can happen as an outcome, is that the feelings and responses, challenges and outcomes gradually build to a resentment until something happens to break it all open. Then it is about offloading and coming back to some sense of balance. Or, running away and escaping from the dis-quiet/overwhelm and all the rest that goes with that! Whatever happens, it needs to be understood and cleared. No need to take it forward to build into a heavier load.

Once overwhelm is recognised and understood then the support from family members/husbands/friends can become an open and easier way forward. No hiding - it does not get better and the weight gets heavier. Planning for personal time needs support and encouragement, plus follow-up and gratitude. You are not meant to be in overwhelm - it is how we manage it that is magic! Getting up at 5am to have a quiet space is great, maybe just not enough.

It was great, recently, to see Jayne and the whole family take a break and relax in a completely different climate and atmosphere. Fun was the focus and playing a must. Laughter and ease permeated all the built up frustration and a new level of love and appreciation within the family opened.

It was also interesting to watch that once home again Jayne had an outbreak of eczema ....on her ring finger. And! James had a corresponding outbreak. That is what I call "in face!"

We ask the questions again - How did I create that? What is it I have hidden within me that has to come out through my skin? and, Why do I do that to myself?

I ask that all mothers/fathers/parents to have a look underneath the everyday happenings you have all taken care of so well and find the deepest hidden thoughts that you have secreted away in your body. Things do not just stay hidden - they grow within you and you are the one who pays. Energy creates energy creates energy! And our mind is very good at doing this!

Working to offload the weight of the daily household happenings, the school commitments, the playgroups, plus the shopping and making sure your children are healthy, and more, all without adding in time for self, becomes a heavy pressure that your body does not and will not appreciate, or, put up with!

Managing  self is such an important task - it is not because you cannot manage, or about what you are doing, or that you do not appreciate everyone and their part in the household - it is that after 2 - 5 years (or 15), it is so repetitive and mostly unrecognised that you need to take a break (as often as practical) to remember who you are. Making time for you in amongst all of this is where you can get time to breathe and be yourself. Growing your own talents and gifts, physical exercise, even learning/studying (no matter how much or how little) is so important. 

Flush out the residual feelings of being caught in a never ending circle and embrace the essence of who you are. Make you important to you.

Discussing this with husband/family is important. You are entitled to communicate your feelings/awareness - it is you that you are talking about! It is not a complaint or a whinge. Speak truthfully and openly. Plan for these times ....and remember they are about you - no one else - your awareness/feelings/perceptions. It is about you and what you have been harbouring deep within. It does not means you do not love what you do. You came from a free open lifestyle into a whole family existence e.g. wife and mother and somewhere in there you may have lost yourself. Remember too that your husband may have lost you as a wife when you became a mother!

Husbands and partners also need to talk about this from their own perspective - working to provide and doing this on an ongoing basis needs to be a regular discussion, a chance to offload (not whinge.) It is a chance to understand. Listen to each other - you may not even need to respond - just listen and appreciate what you are hearing and be there. No need to 'make it nice' just allow the time to offload. Do not get into it. Do not discuss it afterwards. Allow it all to be.

This will help clear all sorts of situations, work relationships, friendships and how you are being treated. Make it all count. Parents are important and you do an amazing job - it is the most important role of all. Appreciate each other and give each other the love for what you are doing and the feelings that come up with 'nowhere to go'.

Jayne's eczema is still an 'on and off thing'! The tension and pain are still there - representing the inner frustrations. Outbreaks are more identifiable as Jayne counts back with honesty to find the moment of self judgement and irritation. Self judgement, as silent as it may be, will always result in the body showing you that it does not appreciate the 'putting down'. Your body will always react! Remember that these habits were formed when you were little as you observed your parents and how they developed or destroyed their own relationship (and back to their parents too).

Appreciating and loving self is the only way through these challenging times.

Living through the core of who you are - Light and Love - will never let you down, never limit you, never cause you to be less that who you really are. It will support your every breath.

Make sure you make space for you. You are loved. You are all loved. 

What Jayne has done over these past three months is to use her daily/weekly examples as a mode of learning how to change what is not healthy moving forward. Sessions were designed to work with the discomfort/pain, and clear the underlying, hidden and old situations that were never cleared and when completed we closed the doorways past. 

The realisations, understanding, wisdom from the experiences and ways to self manage have given Jayne a renewed sense of self renewal and self love from which the whole family has benefited and will continue to do so.

And ..... what has happened to James? James still copies his mother - teaching her that it is not okay to self judge or even use self denial. When Jayne is clear of 'old and uprising emotional and mental discomfort' then James is clear too. All so simple. The children always help to heal their parents. The parents job is to teach their children how to live in the physical world we have created for them.

Keep your hearts and heads together. Keep your heart 'open' and move forward together. Know that how you create your life is who you will become.

Knowing is loving. Love your Self.

Jayne's Report

Self judgement has really been a big thing for  me, as is the past deep down resentment plus anger and fear.

I didn't realise how deep and hidden it all went until I started acknowledging those feelings and clearing them. I didn't realise how the old stories still hurt. My fear was tied to self judgement ..... that I am not strong enough, have not researched enough, or, understand enough to deal with everything that has come our way with our young family. I have been very hard on myself - I always felt I was not good enough (past and still some present!)

Today, something was said to  me about a very 'healthy' recipe.

It tasted horrible! - but I said to myself "At least I gave it a whirl!".I was disappointed by my wasted effort and the cost of ingredients. However I did not expect a disparaging comment from my husband .... as he is usually aware of how much effort my baking takes .... usually with a good outcome! His little jab took my breath away ...started  my Solar Plexus tightening, and put me in argument mode. I wound up walking away. Instead of letting things fester I spoke up shortly after, explained why/how his comments hurt me. He apologised and we moved on.

Looking  back and after reading this I can see how ....

1) I listened to the opinions of others as to what 'healthy' should be. I didn't listen to myself!

2) I judged the effort, the cost, that I had done wrong, AND, that it was so important that everyone likes what I do. I could have laughed and reinforced that I do know what is good for our family!

3) That anyone's opinions should be that important AND that I look for compliments to make me feel good about myself!

4) That I went into offence/defence mode because of my own attitude about what had happened. I do not need approval - however I do enjoy it! 

5) Because of the way I reacted my husband apologised to me. Apologies are not needed if we do not take so much to heart - we all could have laughed and put it aside.

Another insight I had while clearing a bit more (Yes, I am doing my own clearing and loving it!) .....hearing my husband and his 'tribute' was really part of a larger issue, a reminder of how I felt as a child with my dad. I relied on him to acknowledge me - in the positive, really wanting him to just love me. He found great difficulty with doing that and I cannot remember him complimenting me or my mother.

Just acknowledging all of that lifted a huge weight off my right shoulder! Yeah! 

"Knowing what we create is a wisdom worth living.

Living our wisdom allows us to use our knowing.

Using our own knowing means we are in flow with life."  

In Light and with Love

Ann and Jayne